Most of us moms cringe when we think back to middle school. Somehow we got through it (thank goodness, right?) However, when our boys are in the midst of these trying years, it is harder to determine what they require. It can be challenging for us as their mothers to find common ground and connection as they mature into young men with their gangly bodies, crackling voices, and strong emotions. What your son requires during the difficult and perplexing years of middle school.
He Needs You To Back Off
He may remind you daily that “I’m not a little kid anymore, mom!” and it’s true. He is maturing. Middle school is the perfect time to give him more autonomy over his life. It is up to you to decide where to give them this independence, but they must take responsibility for some of their choices. Around the 8th grade, we also stopped pestering each other about homework and making daily grade checks. At the beginning of the school year,
Did this make you feel like you were handing over their academic success to the worst babysitter ever? Yes. But it helped them learn how to make mistakes in a safe and supportive environment and learn how to advocate for themselves at school and at home before they entered high school.
He Needs You To Be Patient With His Brain Development
Middle school boys are not great at making decisions, whether it’s about food, clothes, relationships, homework, or sleep.
Is your son making questionable decisions and being pretty irresponsible about chores, screen time, and homework? He’s completely on track developmentally.
Middle school is such an awkward time to be a boy. We often think of body image issues as a “girl problem,” but how a person feels about their body affects both genders, especially in middle school.
Boys may experience feelings of extreme self-doubt regarding their weight, whether they believe they are excessively thin, overweight, or lack muscle mass in any way. Our sons need us, as their parents, to be sensitive to their growing bodies, listen closely, advocate for their health and self-esteem with pediatricians, therapists and coaches, and assure them that they will get through puberty, even if it feels agonizing at the time.
He Needs To Hear From You About The Big Issues
Middle school can feel like the wild west of social issues and you are never sure what your son is going to come home and talk to you about—fist fights in the hallway, school shootings on the news, who came out as gay, bi-sexual, or furry—it’s enough to make your head spin.
Teen suicide is a heavy issue, and this horrible loss was as foreign to me as it was to them, but as their parent, I knew that I needed to talk to them about the big issues and help them walk this new and difficult path, even if I had never walked this path before myself.
He Needs You To Be His Advocate
As much as our sons need space and more independence as they navigate the middle school years, they still need us to have their backs when they face adversity. We shouldn’t solve all their problems, but we need to guide them along the way–and step in when needed.
I had no idea what would happen if I involved the principal, but I when my son looked back at this challenging time in his life, I wanted him to remember that he wasn’t alone. His parents had his back, no matter what.
He Needs You To Keep The Big Picture In Mind
For some boys, the middle school years can be a nightmare, both at school and at home.
Attitudes, fights with parents, pushing boundaries, slacking on chores and homework, not wanting to be with family, issues with siblings, and raging hormones can make you want to scream as a mom of a young teen.
Keep loving him well and know that the struggles you’re having today will disappear in 6 months, a year (or maybe five!). These challenging times will not last forever.
He Needs You To Be A Soft Place To Land
Middle school boys can be stinkers—literally and figuratively (pro tip: keep an Old Spice in your purse and pass it to your son in the car when he tells you—again—that he forgot to put on deodorant.) But your son needs you to be a soft place to land, a safe space he can always come to no matter what.
You are still home. You are the warm dinner, the after-school snack, the Mcdonald’s run after practice, the one who fills him up when he’s.
Keep reminding him. He may be unpleasant, but he is also unpleasant for you—don’t let him forget that! He needs you to know that he’s still your little boy.
Do you know what’s great about middle school boys? Even if he’s a head taller than you and he sounds like his dad on the phone, he’s still your little boy.
When he’s at his band concert, his face will still light up when he sees you waving like a maniac from the crowd. He will probably even wave back.
You Know Why? You’re His Mom.
And even during these tough middle school years, when he’s growing up, venturing out, wearing you out, testing the limits, holding everything in, being moody as hell, and wearing the same clothes for two weeks in a row, he’s still your little boy.
What your son needs during these tough and confusing middle school years.
He Needs You To Back Off
He may remind you daily that “I’m not a little kid anymore, mom!” and it’s true. He’s growing up. Middle school is the perfect time to give him more autonomy over his life. Where you decide to give this independence is up to you, but they need to become responsible for some of their decisions.
Eight Simple Things Middle School Boys Need To Survive This Crazy Time
As moms, most of us think back to our middle school years with a cringe. Somehow we got through it (thank goodness, right?) But it’s harder to know what our boys need as they are in the middle of these tough years.
As much as I wanted to give up most days during middle school with my twin boys (or ship them off to boarding school), I realized that my sons still needed me as their mom—a lot.
What your son needs during these tough and confusing middle school years.
Did this feel like putting their academic success into the hands of the worst babysitter ever? Yes. But it helped them learn how to make mistakes in a safe and supportive environment and learn how to advocate for themselves at school and at home before they entered high school.
He Needs You To Be Patient With His Brain Development
Middle school boys are not great at making decisions, whether it’s about food, clothes, relationships, homework, or sleep.
Middle school boys are immature, silly, emotional, goofy, forgetful, sweet, infuriating, argumentative, and self-centered.
Everything is normal. Be patient as he grows; guide him with patience; repeat yourself with kindness approximately 1,345 times; and remember that self-awareness and responsibility take time to develop.
He wants you to understand that body image and sensitivity aren’t just problems for girls. Being a boy in middle school is such an awkward time. We often think of body image issues as a “girl problem,” but how a person feels about their body affects both genders, especially in middle school. Our sons need us, as their parents, to be sensitive to their growing bodies, listen closely, advocate for their health and self-esteem with pediatricians, therapists and coaches, and assure them that they will get through puberty, even if it feels agonizing at the time.